Why Do We Self-Sabotage and How Can We Overcome It?

In my 20s, self-sabotage was my middle name. I would talk myself out of taking chances on new opportunities, convincing myself I wasn’t ready or that I would fail before I even tried.

I turned down promotions, hesitated to launch new projects, and second-guessed my instincts. Fear and self-doubt kept me stuck in place, and I didn’t even realize I was the one holding myself back.

Looking back, I was in my own way.

Fast forward to my forties, and I finally understand how self-sabotage works—and more importantly, how to break free from it.

If you’ve ever found yourself procrastinating on a goal, doubting your abilities, or avoiding opportunities that could lead to growth, you’re not alone.

But why do we do this to ourselves?

And more importantly, how can we stop?

Let’s dive into why we self-sabotage and the steps we can take to overcome it.

What Is Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage happens when our own thoughts, behaviors, or actions hold us back from achieving our goals. It’s like having one foot on the gas and the other on the brake—you want to move forward, but something inside you keeps pulling you back.

Some common self-sabotaging behaviors include:

• Procrastination – Delaying important tasks out of fear, perfectionism, or self-doubt.

  
  

• Negative self-talk – Believing you’re not smart, talented, or capable enough to succeed.

  
  

• Fear of failure (or success) – Avoiding opportunities because you’re afraid of what might happen if you fail—or even if you succeed.

  
  

• Perfectionism – Waiting until conditions are “just right” before taking action (spoiler alert: they never will be).

  
  

• Overcommitting – Taking on too much so that you never have time to focus on what truly matters.

Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward change. Once you become aware of how you’re getting in your own way, you can start making shifts that support your growth instead of blocking it.

Why Do We Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage isn’t random—it often stems from deep-rooted fears and beliefs. Here are a few reasons why we do it:

1. Fear of Failure

Nobody likes to fail, but sometimes, the fear of failing can be so strong that we don’t even try. We convince ourselves it’s safer to stay where we are rather than risk embarrassment or disappointment.

2. Fear of Success

Oddly enough, success can be just as scary as failure. Achieving something big might mean stepping into the unknown, taking on more responsibility, or facing new challenges. The thought of change—even positive change—can be overwhelming.

3. Low Self-Worth

If deep down you don’t believe you deserve success, you might subconsciously sabotage your progress. Maybe you grew up in an environment that made you question your worth, or perhaps past experiences made you doubt yourself.

4. Comfort in the Familiar

Even if you’re unhappy with your current situation, it might feel safer than stepping into the unknown. Self-sabotage can be a way of keeping things predictable—because change, even for the better, can feel uncomfortable.

5. Negative Conditioning

Our past experiences shape our beliefs. If you’ve been told that success is only for a certain type of person, or if you’ve been criticized for taking risks, you might have internalized those messages and now hold yourself back without realizing it.

Now that we understand why self-sabotage happens, let’s talk about how to break free from it.

How to Stop Self-Sabotaging and Start Thriving

If you’re ready to get out of your own way, here are some practical steps to overcome self-sabotage and start supporting yourself instead.

1. Recognize Your Patterns

Pay attention to when and how you self-sabotage. Do you procrastinate when faced with a new opportunity? Do you downplay your achievements? The more aware you become, the easier it is to catch yourself before slipping into old habits.

2. Challenge Negative Self-Talk

That inner critic? It’s not always telling the truth. Instead of saying, “I’m not good enough,” try, “I am learning and growing.” Words are powerful—choose ones that support you rather than tear you down.

3. Take Small, Imperfect Steps

Perfectionism is a common form of self-sabotage. Instead of waiting for the perfect moment, take small, consistent steps. Want to start a new project? Work on it for just 10 minutes a day. Need to apply for a job? Send one email today. Momentum builds with action.

4. Embrace Discomfort

Growth happens outside of your comfort zone. Instead of running from discomfort, lean into it. Fear doesn’t mean stop—it means go.

5. Reframe Failure as Growth

Instead of seeing failure as something to be feared, view it as part of the learning process. Every successful person has faced setbacks—it’s how you respond to them that matters.

6. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

The people you spend time with influence your mindset. Surround yourself with those who uplift and encourage you, and distance yourself from negativity.

7. Celebrate Your Progress

Every step forward, no matter how small, is worth celebrating. Recognize your efforts and acknowledge your wins. Progress is progress, even if it’s slow.

Self-sabotage isn’t something you have to live with forever. Once you recognize the patterns and understand why they happen, you can start making shifts that lead to real change.

If I could go back and tell my 20-year-old self anything, it would be this: Stop doubting yourself and take the leap.

You’re more capable than you think.

See you at the next post!